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Kristine Shermer's blog
Dating Responsibility

Everyone around, has taken up a responsibility, perhaps one they never knew they had. They took on the dating responsibility. It is a series of choices, whether one ignores them or acknowledges them.
You had friends, but now you must take in someone new. More than a friend, you know him/her inside out, physically and mentally. They're in your mind forever, or atleast now.
So here are some decisions you make:
1. Do I spend time with friends even if I'd rather be with him/her, do I forget my friends ever existed? Youve got to balance the 2 or get rid, because there's no avoiding it.
2. Do I make my life so dependent on him/her, or do I create a balanced, un-weighing relationship?
There's definitely more questions to be asked, but I do have a point. You make these decisions, whether you realize it or not. Why this comes up is that, Im running out of people. My friends, with little expirience, find their first date, change everything they ever were, and use me when need be. Im loosing so many friends to this tempting devil of lust and kind creature of love. Many dont even realize it. But when they are left in the dust by their "one true love" theres no one to cry on, because weve all been sick of this for too long.
You look on being single as a weakness. I see it as a power, not blinded by the lust and desire of others.

August 10, 2003 | 12:08 AM Comments  0 comments

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taikod Terri Willard
August 10, 2003 | 1:50 PM
It takes a village...
Yeah... it's a weird phase that people seem to go through when they start dating. People get so into each other that they forget everyone else exists.

But, as you point out, two people can only stay wrapped up in each other for so long. No one person can be EVERYTHING to another. You need broader groups of friends to stay balanced and to help you grow. They say it takes a village to raise a child. I don't think it's any different with adults. It takes a village to help an adult continue to grow and to maintain a healthy relationship with his/her partner.

Some of the only times I've seen "cocooning of couples" NOT happen is when people are dating within a pretty close-knit group of friends or in smaller towns. Then, everyone knows each other first as friends and the dating relationship is just an evolution of the relationship between two people in the group. But, it does mean that break ups have to be handled with even greater care.
whack0station2002 Sunny Yeung
August 10, 2003 | 2:05 PM

That is a very insightful comment. I have printed this out for my reference. Thanks a lot!

As for looking for a "date," I suggest trying to look for one who will help you grow and not be too demanding...
josie_h j
August 10, 2003 | 8:39 PM
strength and independence
Thanks for your comments....

Some of us choose a solo role others find a true partnership with another human - it is to do with luck and timing and far less with 'dating' - which, whether based on lust or peer pressure, has little to do with the long term partnership.

And neither is better - depends on the being..... just as children, and other roles in life depend on who we are. When it compromises us... ie makes us less than we are solo then it is not a good thing..... be it to friends or just to ourselves. When our independence or our partnerships strengthen and enhance ( regardless of gender, sexual interest, collegiality, or fiscal advantage) all will celebrate because we *can* be better friends & citizens at this point.

Thanks for your thought provoking post.

J
josie_h j
August 10, 2003 | 8:41 PM

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